Thursday 29 December 2011 - Money and dating
Lately, I had a recurrent question that I asked to whoever, and sometimes to complete strangers, "If the man doesn't for the first diner date, does it mean he is not interested?".The reason why I asked is due to a discussion I had with a couple where the girl was very firm on the fact the guy should pay the 15 first dates (fifteen, I put this in letter, because I couldn't believe it) and the guy said he would never pay for the first date because he wanted to get rid off the princesses or gold diggers. After exchanging with him, we (French girls), said to the guy that we would expect the man to pay for the bill for the first diner date. Otherwise we would believe he is not interested in us and he just wants to be friends. Put it this way, it bears the message "I want to sleep with you". If the girl refuses him to pay, it means "No I don't want to sleep with you" and if she accepts, it means "Yes, at some point, I would will sleep with you...Maybe..."
After doing my little personal survey, I realise that in Sydney, they don't think the same way: 50% of Australians who said it doesn't mean anything, 30% who said they were happy to pay for the first three dates. The only ones who said they would pay for more than 10 dates, actually said they would pay all the time. I realised with surprise that paying the bill the first time around doesn't bear any s#@%l message in Sydney. If the girl wants to pay for her part, or if the man asks the girl to split the bill, it doesn't mean he is not interested.
After it also depends on what your backgrouns is. For example,after discussing with some expats from Asia, they said to me that money was playing a bigger part in the relationship, and that it was more expected from the man to pay for most of the things. Even for some Malaysian expats living here since a long time, it is something very important for them. One of their arguments was "How can he support a family when I will stop working, when he cannot even buy some expensive gifts?". For others, Australians or not, it was more education and family background: the father and brothers were expected to pay for all women in the family.
So the conclusion is : If you get paid for the 15 first dates, there is a good chance that you bumped into someone who is willing to pay all the time...If a Sydneysider doesn't pay for the 1st diner date, it doesn't mean he is not into his date.